Modern Love

Meet my artificial friends
(The only ones I have)
They're programmed to intend --
The one, a vicious slap,
The other, tactile comfort taken to new depths.

Measure, I must ask
For measure,
Who will choose Ms. Pain and who default to Mrs. Pleasure?

Buy one
Get one free! 

But wait!
There's more! --

If Captain Crunch indeed
Presents now
As a she,
In that
There's always
Buried treasure.