Stuck

In the wee hours my wife often talks in her sleep.   She is incomprehensible, but in tone, she sounds like a samurai who wants to cut my head off.

In the absence of human embraces -- male or female -- at this late stage, it's natural to seek comfort in the prospect of God's Embrace.  But now, after the disclosure, I see myself as having to run a fearsome gauntlet of the demi-gods in order to get there, and I see that some of the demi-gods, even though they are far more advanced than we in many respects (and therefore hold power over us), are malign in the extreme in their intentions.

I am stuck.   I can't go back to a pre-disclosure conception of our path toward God.  And I can't go forward to that "feeling of complete safety" that Wittgenstein identified with religious conviction, because the demi-gods stand in the way.